There is a growing obligation and need for professionals involved in public or private Children Act Proceedings – for example, local authority social workers, family court workers, special guardians and family law solicitors - to work effectively with mothers living apart from their children whether these circumstances are as a result of a court order or personal choice.
However, many professionals working with families who are experiencing breakdown, divorce, and separation find the hands on practice of dealing with mothers living apart from their children challenging.
Whether children are removed from mothers or mothers choose non residency as an option, professionals’ experiences of mothers apart from children are often expressed as:
• Discomfort at what is regarded as an unnatural outcome for mothers and children
• A judgemental attitude getting in the way of being professional
• Anxiety at not knowing how to manage the extreme emotions of mothers
As a trainer and counsellor who specialises in working with women – mothers and grandmothers – who live apart from their children and grandchildren, I have an excellent insight into the circumstances and psychological impact of living apart from a child.
From this unique position I am able to offer consultancy, tailor made workshops and seminars designed to meet the needs of professionals working with this client group.
Aim and outcomes
The aim of the consultancy or training will be to help professionals to better understand the challenges facing mothers and through this, communicate with them in more resourceful ways thereby gaining higher levels of co-operation and resolution to the benefit of all parties - particularly children.
Designed to suit the needs of professionals, the following key topics can be included:
• Understanding the psychological response of mothers who face losing residency or sharing residency:
- The fear of being judged a failure and being publically humiliated on becoming a non resident parent
- The fear of losing everyday motherhood when non residency isn’t a choice
• The difficulties experienced by non resident mothers and how to work mindfully with mothers as clients:
- Outer judgement from society – the burden of “she must have done something very wrong” and the common response of hiding non resident status
- Inner judgement - the impact of guilt, shame and low self worth on reasoning and behaviour
- Disenfranchised grief at the loss of everyday motherhood – an inability to move on and adjust
- Mothers who are perceived as losing residency through misfortune and those who choose non resident status. Understanding these different experiences and behaviour.
- Women’s competitive feelings towards a new mother figure in the child’s life and dealing with contact issues.
- Co-parenting the woman’s way – why and how it’s different for mothers. Encouraging non resident mothers to take control of their lives even though their role as a parent has changed.
• Culture and myth - exploring the trap of stereotyping non resident mothers as 'unfit', 'abandoning', 'abnormal' and 'selfish'. Reality checking the reasons why a mother is no longer the primary carer, including mental health problems and working mothers.
• Trying to be Superwoman – the impossibility of ‘doing it all, having it all’. Examining 21st century motherhood and increasing numbers of non resident mothers. Working non resident mothers can feel let down by society for being breadwinners and/or trying to juggling caring and providing roles.
• Gender awareness - the difference between how men and women feel and behave as non resident parents and how to work effectively with these differences.
• Battle of the sexes - bridging the gap of animosity between non resident fathers and non resident mothers
To find out more about how I can increase understanding and offer pragmatic solutions to your organisation, please phone me on 01707 870837 or email me at sarah@sarahhart.co.uk
