Adult children of divorced or separated parents

Following my radio interview on Woman’s Hour a year ago, I was made aware of many adult children who had grown up apart from their mothers and fathers – how they felt as children and the difficulties they have with their relationships with their parents now that they are adults.

In my work with divorced parents, I take care to highlight how children feel when families break up. Struggling with their own strong feelings, it is easy for a parent to misunderstand or not see the impact of divorce on a child. Experiences vary according the circumstances of the separation and level of contain maintained between parents and children but experiences of adult children often include:

• Hurt at feeling abandoned or rejected by a parent
• Anger as a result of being lied to, having wishes regarding residency and contact not being listened to and having painful feelings disregarded by a parent
• Lingering sense of low self worth and self esteem
• Trouble with trusting others because of broken promises
• A strong need to control others and events as a result of feeling powerless as a child
• Guilt at childhood behaviour as a result of not having firm boundaries and having too much power as a child
• Fear of the non resident parent, when parental alienation or hostile aggressive parenting has taken place
• Feeling jealous of a parent’s new partner and envious of a parent’s attention towards siblings and step siblings
• General confusion and sadness, feeling as if the ability to be carefree has been taken away

I can offer you a deep understanding of the impact of divorce, support you as you explore why you feel as you do and help you find ways to let go and move on from the pain of the past.